I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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