I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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