Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it glows. i had to have it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wish there were birth control emojis
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
