yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
