Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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