I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
