Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
