tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
