when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
