oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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