I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
