Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
