She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
