the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
A+ Viking dick
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
