I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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