Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
