Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
