If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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