I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
