when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
