Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
