You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
