He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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