so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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