In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
