Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i think im in europe. pls send help
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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