Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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