She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
