ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
