Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
