I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
