Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
