im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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