Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
