did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
