Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so let's talk penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
