you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
