tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
