the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
