it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
