i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did I show you my penis last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
