just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
