I love black thongs
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
