there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
