I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
