its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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