I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
