I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
