They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
