i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
