Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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