I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
